Four Questions that Transform Playtime into Discovery and Invention Time
by Sara Kobilka and Alexa Maille | View Bio
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Magic happens when you develop a relationship based on curiosity. You develop a deeper understanding of each other’s perspective.
Asking questions with curiosity, not judgment, helps you understand what your child is discovering and gives them a chance to voice their experience.
- When an adult (parent, caregiver, teacher) joins a child in play, they show the child that play matters.
- By asking questions rather than telling children what to do (or doing it for them), you build your child’s confidence and identity.
- Thinking about your goals ahead of time can reduce stress to build the relationship between you and your child.
- A powerful indication that your questioning strategy is working is when your child starts mimicking you and asking you or themselves questions.
- Asking purposeful questions is contagious and can help everyone be better listeners throughout their lives.
They sit together, building tiles strewn all around the living room floor. Dusty sunlight filters through the colorful tiles, towering higher and higher toward the sky. And then, Jax says, “Uh-oh!" His Dad, ever patient, asks "What happened?" in a matter-of-fact tone of voice. His question is a request for more information, a moment of calm to give space to notice what is happening and to decide what to do next.
How do you get to that mythical space of calmness where questions can be your superpower? Check out this article…And then, practice asking Purposeful Questions that help transform playtime into growth and connection time. Purposeful Questions are open-ended questions that help your child focus their curiosity and share what they learn to fuel more discovery.
Setting Goals
When you open an engineering kit, it’s critical to think very specifically about your goals when you join your child in play. Questions to ask yourself concerning goals include:
- Has my child ever used a kit like this before? What do they already know about these materials or this way of play?
- Is the kit focused on a topic my child is already interested in or is it introducing them to something new?
- Where are they in the age range suggested for the toy? How could I provide extra support if it turns out to be too challenging or how can I add complexity if it’s not enough challenge?
- What is my child’s attention span like for this type of activity? (Answer may vary depending on the day/time.)
- What might be frustrating for my child about this kit? How will I respond to their frustration?
This winter, I received a BRIO Builder Motor Set to use with my 4-year-old. She had built sets before, but it was primarily with free building sets, and they did not include motors. I knew she liked building but had minimal experience following specific instructions.
With that information, I set the following goals:
- Learn how to “read” instructions (there were pictures of each step showing what supplies to use and where they went)
- Experiment with how the pieces attached to each other.
- Practice counting/reading numbers.
When you create your goals, they do NOT all need to be STEM-focused. Goals can also focus on reading, fine motor skills, building confidence, practicing patience, etc.
Goals can also be related to helping your child discover and fuel their sparks. Sparks are interests and activities that motivate youth and put them on pathways to experiencing purpose. Research suggests that young people who know their sparks, and have adults who champion those sparks, are more likely to thrive. As the captain of your child’s spark champion team, play time is an opportunity for you to see what brings your child joy and how that might suggest future activities to keep nurturing that spark.
Four Types of Questions to Ask During Play
Not all questions fall into the category of “Purposeful Questions.” First and foremost, remember that Purposeful Questions are open-ended (a question that has more than one right answer). They are not the “pop quiz” you drop on your child. In the case of older children, this can lead to frustration and a lack of confidence if they don’t know the “right answer.” Instead, focus primarily on the four types of questions described below.
- Questions about Observation/Explanation: Ask children to tell you about what they’re doing and why they’re doing it.
- Asking “why” is a great follow-up to a “what” or “how” question.
- Questions to Share, Expand, and Clarify Thinking:
- What did you make?
- Follow Up: Why did you pick that? What does it do?
- What do you see happening?
- Follow Up: Why do you think that’s happening?
- How did you decide to (insert what your child is doing)?
- Follow Up: Why do you like to do it in this order?
- How do you know what to do? This question can guide your child to look at the instructions or packaging.
- For older children: What strategy did you use?
- Questions to Dig Deeper:
- What does this tool help us do?
- I noticed that time you did it differently. Why did you change what you were doing?
- Why do you think it worked this way?
- Follow Up: What happens when..? If “why” leads to silence, try breaking the question down into “What happened?” or “What do you see?”
- With older children - What is another way you can…? Brainstorm 3 or 4 solutions together.
- Empowerment Questions: Giving kids a voice and a choice in the process of play helps them understand themselves.
- What do you want to make?
- What do you want to do next?
- What help do you need from me?
- Do you want to try to match the picture/instructions or make your own thing?
- How do you feel about (what’s happening right now)?
Don’t Forget the Pause
You’ve got your pockets full of purposeful questions. It’s just as important to have a plan for the pause. Pausing is time for your child to think and to reflect on and process what they are noticing as you play. It gives you time to listen deeply, and to notice how your child is responding in words, actions, and presence.
Waiting through the silence between question and response can be challenging. What can you do to hold that generous pause for your child? Consider counting to 10 in your head, taking several deep breaths, or whatever habit helps you center and connect with your child.
You can also use the time to acknowledge and let go of the voices in your head that get in the way of you embracing play time.