Board Games Build Brains (and Bonds)
by Maté Lencse
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Máté Lencse is a board game designer and an expert in board game-based pedagogy. His games have been published since 2016 and have sold over 50,000 copies. In 2012, he launched an educational program supporting disadvantaged children and youth, where one of the key elements was the development of a methodology for board game pedagogy.
In 2024, he founded PlayWise, and since then, his professional writings have also been available in English, with ongoing publications. In his home country, he conducts teacher training programs and is regularly invited to give talks and run workshops. He is a recognized expert in board game pedagogy.
The core principle of his methodology is that play must remain play. As parents and educators, our task is simply to create playful situations skillfully and observe children's development.
He is the father of two daughters, who are growing up surrounded by hundreds of board games.
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For a truly rewarding board game experience at home, the key is shared enjoyment—not just for the kids, but for adults too.
Children thrive when parents and caregivers are genuinely present and motivated, not just playing out of duty. Choosing games together, creating playful family rituals, and making space for everyone's preferences helps ensure that playtime becomes quality time.
Board games are not just tools for child development, they're opportunities for connection, joy, and growth across generations.
This might be a surprising place to start, but a truly meaningful board game session requires that everyone involved be present with motivation— whether they’re 8, 39, or 64 years old. Articles and tip lists on how to play board games well with kids are typically child-centered. Or at least they appear to be. While their intention is to benefit the child, they often forget about the other participants.
Being a good parent doesn’t mean sacrificing oneself in every situation. “Let’s buy the game the child wants, choose a theme the child enjoys, play when the child wants to”—this all sounds lovely, but in the long run, it’s unsustainable for an adult to remain genuinely present and motivated. And yet, those qualities are essential for a high-quality play experience, one in which everyone grows, feels satisfied, and unwinds together.
Tip #1: Learn to enjoy board games. If we don’t enjoy playing them, our child won’t enjoy playing with us, either. Sure, we can force ourselves occasionally, and maybe even fake it well once or twice—but it’s much more worthwhile to spend that energy on something where we can be authentic.
Tip #2: Choose games together. Visit a board game café, borrow games, watch playthrough videos online, or go to a specialized game store. We’re lucky to be living in the golden age of board games—there’s a huge variety out there, and you’re bound to find common ground. We’re also fortunate that we no longer have to expect every children’s game to be boring—there are plenty of titles that adults can enjoy too.
One of the most frequently discussed topics in my lectures and training courses is whether we should let children win. While my answer is quite clear, I also fully understand why this question is so common. When we play together, we want to avoid conflict. That’s why many adults choose to let children win or opt for cooperative games in the first place. Here are a couple of alternatives:
- Alternative #1 is making a conscious game selection that can save us from trouble. If we choose a game where the chances are equal, then the question of who wins becomes irrelevant. The best options for this are games with a high luck factor.
- Alternative #2 is to introduce asymmetry—by making the game harder for us or easier for the child. You can read more about these handicap strategies on the PlayWise website.
A consciously organized game shelf, developing shared gaming habits, and even establishing a common board game etiquette can all help elevate the activity, put it in focus, and make it more meaningful. As both a parent and an educator, I genuinely believe that with the right board gaming culture, you can go a long way. Play and playfulness are fundamental human experiences, and they equip us with incredibly useful skills that are worth investing in.
There are countless questions worth exploring—and there are no right answers, only your own. Take the opportunity to add your own game night rules:
- Can we eat while playing?
- Should music be on?
- How do we choose which game to play?
- Do we have dedicated game days or play spontaneously?
- Should we create challenges or organize tournaments?
It may seem obvious to ban phones during playtime, but what if someone wants to share the session on social media? Or perhaps they’re using an app to track stats. Everything is context-dependent, and my best advice is to talk things through and shape your own rituals.
When should we start? It depends. My older daughter was already playing board games at one and a half. But she struggled for a long time with riding a balance bike and couldn’t manage the slide either. We’re all different—pay attention to yourselves, and you’ll know what works and when.
I had the same question about involving my parents. They weren’t big into board games, but I searched for titles that I liked and could imagine they might enjoy too. Now they have quite a few favorites and it’s not unusual for all three generations to play the same game together.
I believe that if someone feels the desire to play games together at home and starts looking for the best way to do it, they’ve already taken the most important step. Parents are perhaps the most natural initiators of these moments, which also means the greatest responsibility lies with them. Game tips to remember:
- Don’t be afraid of difficult situations. Be glad that we’re learning to lose together—and win together. Board games create a safe space around us—let’s use it.
- Be present, lead by who you are, because that’s what parenting is. And that includes playing board games with joy - because it simply won’t work any other way.
- Be patient with ourselves, our children, and our parents. Board gaming is something we need to learn. It takes many play sessions to truly sync up with each other. Board gaming is about the joy of playing, about spending quality free time together.
- Learn how to win or lose gracefully. It doesn’t matter if you’re not a pro gamer - it’s more important to know the rules and be able to explain them. Just show how to celebrate the win or accept the loss with a smile – allowing yourself to feel proud that you played well.
The focus should be the experience and that playing together is fun. Everything else is just a bonus!