The Power of Play: Strengthening Family Bonds with DIRFloortime®
by Rachel Rothman | View Bio
and
Jennifer Rothman | View Bio
Rachel Rothman currently is a freelancer for various publications, including BabyCenter and CNN. She is passionate about all things play (she currently hosts a podcast on the topic) and supporting neurodiversity. She is a sought-after public speaker, including appearances on the Today Show, Good Morning America, CBS Mornings and the History Channel. Rothman lives in New York with her husband and three young kids.
Rothman was previously the chief technologist and executive technical director of the Good Housekeeping (GH) Institute for over 15 years, overseeing testing methodology, implementation and reporting for all product testing labs. She also managed GH’s research division and the analysis of applicants for the GH Seal and all other testing and award emblems. Her passion areas included autos, toys, tech, and children’s products.
Rothman has a Bachelor of Science degree in Mechanical Engineering and Mechanics from the University of Pennsylvania. She has been a member of ASTM, IMPA, and other industry trade groups throughout her career.
Jennifer is currently supporting children and families within her NYC private practice and leveraging her clinical background and creativity as a consultant within the toy industry. Nurturing play, development and relationships continue to be the intersection of her meaningful and fulfilling professional life.
For over 15 years, she has had the enormous privilege of working in the field of early childhood. She received her undergraduate degree in psychology from The George Washington University and a master’s in clinical social work from Columbia University School of Social Work in 2009. Her work in neurodivergent preschools and school age programs has provided her the experience in individual and group counseling, classroom and family support, parent advocacy and early childhood mental health consultation to teachers and program directors.
Her expertise in the field comes not only from my education, years of experience personally and professionally, but in extensive training as a DIR/Floortime® clinician. This comprehensive model continues to guide her practice and celebrate individual differences. Working alongside a variety of developmental specialists, including speech pathologists, occupational therapists, physical therapists, teachers, and medical professionals has stretched her holistic understanding of this very complicated work.
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DIR Floortime® has taught us that play is more than fun— it’s the foundation for trust, growth, and emotional safety. When we approach play with curiosity and attunement, we open doors to deeper connection with our children (and grandchildren, nieces, nephews, friends’ children, students, etc.)!
Spend five minutes following your child in play—no cell phone distractions, no instructions, no redirections. Just be with them, noticing and joining what they love.
Whether your child is lining up toys, jumping on the couch, or telling a wild story, there’s an entrance into their world waiting to be opened. All we need to do is pay attention, slow down and walk through.
We’re Rachel and Jen—sisters and professionals who have made play our life’s work. Rachel is a mechanical engineer, toy tester, and mom of three amazing neurodivergent children. Jen (a.k.a. Auntie JJ) is a licensed clinical social worker, play therapist and certified DIRFloortime® practitioner.
As sisters with two vastly different brains, temperaments, sensory profiles, and ways of being in the world, we have witnessed the magic of play from multiple angles.
What Is DIRFloortime® - and Why It Should Matter to Every Parent
DIR® stands for Developmental, Individual-differences, Relationship-based model. While originally developed by Stanley Greenspan and Serena Wieder to support children with autism and other neurodevelopmental differences, its power lies in something universal: honoring the whole child and family and utilizing these relationships as the catalyst to nurture and optimize developmental progress.
We all have a unique profile and preferences that deserve to be honored. This model isn’t about “fixing” and “focusing on “deficits” but honoring the complexity of human development. It sees value in a world with a wide range of human thinking, learning, and behaving, where deep self-trust is a core tenet. This model is a curated therapeutic intervention that can be embedded organically within daily routines and interactions offering greater connection, understanding and ultimately, more joy. With even small mindset shifts, the impact of this model can be transformative.
5 Simple Play Tips to Deepen Connection
1. Follow Their Lead
Pause. Observe. Sometimes this is the most important thing we can give our children! Remember, there is no right way to play, so resist the urge to redirect or do too much. Follow even their most subtle cues. What naturally interests them? Where does their gaze go? What does their body seem to want to do (move, sprawl, sit, climb, etc.) What types of spaces do they move towards or away from (busy, quiet, open). What materials do they explore more of? What play themes keep coming back up?
2. Be the Most Interesting Toy in the Room
Your voice, facial expressions, body language and energy are the ultimate invitation to play. Animate your face to express emotions, play with volume and vocal tone, pacing and use movement or stillness to make interactions more engaging and meaningful.
And this voice’s fraternal twin, which implores you to take over when your child encounters a moment of frustration. The voice, speaking with fear and concern, insisting that a lack of immediate success will lead your child to quit, never to return. Perhaps this is the ghost of a voice that once spoke in your own head as a child encountering a challenge.
3. Let Them Do the Thinking and Give Space for Feeling
Encourage them to create, explore their ideas and problem-solve. If the tower falls, resist fixing it. Instead, provide an empathic look, a simple sigh or wonder aloud: “Uh oh! That didn’t go the way we wanted… Now what?!” Restate the problem to help tee up your child without rescuing or doing the work for them. “The ball is under there; we really want it!” A simple “hmmmm…” can be powerful to get those cognitive wheels turning to encourage flexible thinking. Pay attention to how much you are doing and if the chosen toys are too prescriptive and getting in the way of their creativity.
4. Keep the Play Flowing
Ditch the agenda! Avoid asking lots of questions, turning play into a lesson or focusing on a specific outcome. It’s tempting to quiz on animal sounds, colors, or count blocks, but that can get in the way of deepening their play and interrupt both their creativity and your shared flow of reciprocal exchanges. Instead, stay present, curious and expand on what they’re already doing. Respond congruently to their communications and then wait, allowing them to respond in turn. Flow, not force, and you will see all the unexpected places you can go together!
5. Offer Playfulness and Just-Right Challenges
Stretch their comfort zone—but not too much! You can encourage greater communication, problem-solving, adaptability, and regulatory capacities by expanding their emotional window of tolerance without overwhelming them. We build resilience as this “just right “challenge becomes more manageable within your relationship. Your co-regulation is what will help stretch their capacity to shift arousal states and sit in their discomfort if hard feelings arise. For example, be playful during pretend kitchen: “the milk spilled! It’s all over my shirt! Ugh!” Or picture an adult getting a child ready by putting both socks on the same foot or on their hands and waiting for the child to respond, “Oops! That’s not right!”
DIRFloortime® in Action: What It Looks Like in Our Family
As a parent, implementing these principles wasn’t always intuitive or natural to me, despite wanting the intended outcomes. With the perspective and coaching provided, I was able to recognize, practice and adapt to better support family dynamics that ultimately felt more fulfilling and positive for me too.
DIRFloortime® in Action: What It Looks Like in Our Family
As a parent, implementing these principles wasn’t always intuitive or natural to me, despite wanting the intended outcomes. With the perspective and coaching provided, I was able to recognize, practice and adapt to better support family dynamics that ultimately felt more fulfilling and positive for me too.
In my eager attempt to “join,” I recognized I was inadvertently creating more emotional distance and resistance. So, one day, I simply imitated what he was doing, placing my blocks in the same pattern and making a silly sound as I placed my block. Slowly, I started introducing variations— “Ooooh, what if we make a zigzag instead of a line!?” Hesitant at first, he then giggled and took the lead in making a new pattern. That small, HUGE moment wasn’t just about blocks—it was about trust, flexibility and feeling seen, and it became a window into his world through play.
The Power of Back-and-Forth: Nurturing Her Giggles
One of my kids is full of energy and engaging her in play means embracing movement. She loves running, spinning, and jumping, and I used to worry she wasn’t “actually playing” and that this might be off putting for others.
One day, she started running back and forth across the room, squealing with excitement. Instead of trying to settle her down or overwhelm her with play choices, I jumped in and ran alongside her, making eye contact and silly faces. She laughed, paused for a moment, and then ran in a different direction, checking to see if I’d follow. That was the window into our shared moment of joy, and she was leading, with purpose. What seemed initially like chaotic movement became a beautiful, intentional, and shared interaction.
The Power of Play
DIR Floortime® is a powerful tool for all children, not just those with specific developmental needs. Borrowing elements from this model and being DIRFloortime® informed is about:
- Acknowledging that children have their own inner world of emotions, ideas, desires, and experiences that are to be respected and understood.
- Building trust and connection in a way that feels natural to both caregiver and child.
- Recognizing that play isn’t one-size-fits-all—it’s about honoring each child’s unique way of engaging. Likewise, development is not linear or straightforward.
- Letting go of rigid expectations and embracing the beauty of shared moments and co-creating interactions, both nonverbal and verbal.
- Using play to support arousal, emotional regulation, and developmental integration (cognitive, physical, emotional, social growth) whether through movement, art, sensory, games, pretend play, storytelling and so much more.
At the end of the day, play is about feeling emotionally safe, capable, and connected enough for exploration. By fostering a deeper connection to self and the bigger world, play offers an opportunity to experience a wide range of emotions, synthesize ideas, use our bodies to take in and respond to others and negotiate with our environment. A lot is happening! When we approach play with openness and attunement, the magic of creating both greater autonomy and strengthening relational bonds is undeniable.